"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
