The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
