you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
