I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
