my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
