you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
