My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
