mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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