in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
