I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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