great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
