So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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