Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
