i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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