It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
