Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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