Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize