Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
