guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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