Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
