just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
