So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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