Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
