I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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