He kissed a someone with a penis
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
