so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
