Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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