My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
