You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i believe in u and ur pee
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
