I want to walk on stilts...naked
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
