And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
