this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
