i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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