dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
