I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize