just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
