dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
