Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
