dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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