There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
