my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
