Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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