I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
