sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
