Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
