i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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