I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
