It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
