Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
