So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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