Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
