Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
