did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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