My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wear drunk well.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
