i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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