i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
