So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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