I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
