This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
