I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
