her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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