Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
