There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Terrible idea I love it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
