im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My dick has a subreddit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
