No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's never too late to be topless.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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