It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Enjoy the penises
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize