I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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